In Mixed Company

Bikes of Westport
Late one night I received an urgent "help!" text from a friend who had met a man she liked in a bar. The fellow, who'd arrived by car, invited her to Go Home with him. She had arrived by bicycle, and, while ever so keen to see his stamp collection, did not want to leave her bike locked up in a shady neighbourhood overnight. Not to mention she'd need it to travel to work in the morning. In an innuendo-filled, tween-worthy texting fury we debated whether her date's car was spacious enough to fit her hefty 3-speed. But ultimately, she decided that even broaching that subject would Kill the Mood - after all, she'd just met the man! So she opted to go home alone instead, feigning maidenly ambivalence toward his stamps. "Need folding bike to get laid, goddamn it!" was her sad parting text to me that night.

In places where transportation cycling is not the wholly unremarkable norm, it is a distinct culture - or, more accurately, a subculture. And it tends to be rather insular. If you get around by bicycle in such an area, it is likely that many of your friends do, too. Perhaps it did not start out that way. Perhaps, much like myself, in the beginning you were a Lone Rider - an anomaly (okay, so maybe the word used was "weirdo") among your social circle. But funny enough, the longer you ride a bicycle the more you notice that social circle shifting toward others who do as well. Whether you connect through bike shops, meet-ups, clubs, blogs, or pure chance, the kindred spirits of cyclists have a way of finding one another. Until one day, you look around and realise just how many of your social connections are of the two-wheeled persuasion.

Oftentimes this awareness only sinks in once you find yourself in Mixed Company and realise the awkwardness of the logistics that presents. You remember that drivers have a different mentality when it comes to choosing meeting spots, traveling from one place to another, gauging distances and times, dressing for the weather, etc. Say, you're joining friends on a night out. If you arrive by bicycle and they by car, what happens should the group decide to move on to a different location and the distance/route is not bike-friendly? Naturally, you'll be offered a lift in one of the motor vehicles, and at the end of the night they'll be happy to drop you off where you left your bike. But being driven around might not be your idea of a good time. Not to mention the control you'll be giving up once you're separated from your own vehicle.

My friend's one night stand "fail" is another example of problematic logistics. And what of mixed relationships? How do you go grocery shopping, to the cinema, and on picnics together if one of you cycles and the other does not? If, as a committed transportation cyclist, you were to meet a person who was wonderful in all respects except that they didn't cycle, would one of you convert the other to their respective lifestyle? Would you meet somewhere in the middle? Would it not matter one bit? Or would a relationship be out of the question?

I know a woman, who was a committed transportation cyclist for years and a well known bicycling activist in her city. She fell in love with a man who had a physical condition that prevented him from ever riding a bike. She chose him over her bike-centric lifestyle and, some years down the road, she is happy. Bicycles, after all, are not everything.

What portion of your friends cycle for transportation? And do you find it easy or challenging to meet up - and maintain relationships - with those who don't?

Comments

  1. Compromise is the answer. Life is about learning to make a mutual concession.

    If she really wanted to "see his stamps" (hahaha!), she could've removed the front wheel and fit the bike in the trunk of his car.
    If he really wanted to "present his stamp collection" (double hahaha!), he would suggest to drop her off with her bike at her work place next morning.

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    1. "I want to put MY bike in YOUR trunk". Anyone get the ref?

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    2. If she had a flat it would have been 'his pump in her tyre!'

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  2. My wife started cycling after we got together, but she doesn't put in the miles I do. Her cycling is more to malls and restaurants, often with me, though she did ride to work sometimes (ride/train) when she had a regular job.

    Some of my friends ride, some don't. We meet places with no trouble. BTW, bar crawls in Los Angeles seem to occur more often by bike than by car (fortunately!!!). Motorists in LA tend to go one place and stay there, unwilling to surrender the parking spot and plunge back into traffic chaos, matters which affect cyclists but little.

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  3. "Need folding bike to get laid, goddamn it!" There's Brompton's next ad campaign right there.

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    1. I click "Like!" on that!
      hahaha

      vsk

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  4. It just comes down to logistics, doesn't it? In the case of your friend, unless she walked there, there would be a logistics issue. Leaving your car in a sketchy neighbourhood is the same thing as leaving your bike in a sketchy neighbourhood. And back in my bachelor days where I was keen on *ahem* showing off my stamp collection to young ladies, figuring out these logistics never killed the mood. And if it is a big deal to someone? Well, it is a good warning sign that they are a loon and you probably don't want to check out their stamp collection anyway. :D

    My wife and I figure out these logistics all the time. Sometimes we want to go for a ride but she isn't interested in the same mileage as me. She'll put her bike on our vehicle, drive out to a point where she's more comfortable with the distance, we meet up there and continue on. On the way back, she stops at the car and I continue cycling.

    On other occasions I might want a good workout while she wants a leisurely ride. So then we mix bikes; I'll take one of our slower hybrids and she'll take a nice light road bike. We both get what we want and (more importantly) we can spend that time together.

    In cases where one person is dead set against cycling and the other partner is an avid cyclist, get a bike rack. Extremely cheap, especially when you factor in the cost of divorce. :D

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  5. It's also possible for neither party in a relationship to 'convert'. Mrs. S does not cycle much, but that doesn't stop me from being an ardent transportation cyclist.

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    1. So what happens when you go places together, and it's a destination you'd normally cycle to, if on your own, and she wouldn't?

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    2. Speaking as someone who cycles both for transportation & leisure, my other half cycles only occasionally, and only for leisure. I probably cycle less as a result. For example, if we are both going to visit friends for dinner in town, I will usually take the tube with him, rather than cycle alone. But he walks quite a bit, so many times I will just walk with him rather than cycle. Occasionally, if I am out on my own on my bike, we may meetup and then go our own ways home.

      I don't really mind though, as cycling for transportation is really a solitary thing, isn't it? Its rare we are going to the same places anyway, except on social occasions. And if I'm drinking I normally don't ride, so its not really a big deal. Living in a city like London gives you lots of choices for transport. I don't own a car so consider the bus, tube, train, walking and cycling all as options. Of course I prefer to cycle, but its just not the only way.

      I rarely have spontaneous changes in my day, so I can usually plan ahead what form of transport I need.

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    3. After moving to LA, my girlfriend (later wife, now ex-wife) stopped biking completely except for a few tandem rides per year, while I remained an ardent cyclist. If we went someplace together we just took her car, unless I was leaving school or work or someplace where I was already on my bike. I was sad about it for a little while, but I got used to it eventually.
      Love is compromise... and often, so is getting laid.

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    4. My wife doesn't cycle much and we don't have bike suited for carrying the two boys. If we meet Little Q Hot Pot after work, then I throw the bike in the van and drive with her and the boys. Sometimes I get to ride the rest of the way home. Those are special days.

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  6. i've always enjoyed mixed company.

    the large majority of my social circle involves bicycles. that being said, I know few people who use the bicycle as their sole means of transportation. maybe living in suburban/rural california has something to do with it. it can very difficult to get around outside your town without a bike. even riding 20-30 miles to the coast would be a significant ride on winding, narrow lanes with a couple thousand feet of climbing just to get there.
    my wife has bikes (mostly because of my interest), but only occasionally rides. like any relationship, there's a certain level of compromise that has to be made.

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  7. Nice photo, love the Morris, a "Traveller" isn't it?
    To me, only the convertible model is cooler.
    Do you think it's actually someone's transportation or a prop for the Pub?
    Hard to believe they couldn't figure a way to get the bike in the car.
    You should encourage your friend to take a bicycle maintenance class - ha!

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    1. Morris Traveler, yup. I believe both it and the bicycle were decorative.

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    2. Men who wish to improve their "luck" and who lack patience can get a Traveller, a Jag E-Type, or an Austin FX-4. I had an FX-4 and thought I was merely getting a vehicle that would take 3 bikes, wheels on, in the back seat. The level of attention I received in that car was simply overwhelming. I've known several gentlemen who were both socially and cosmetically challenged who had Travellers or E-Types and they had plenty of company whenever the car was running. Women can get any of the smaller Nash models and have the same results. Ladies need not worry about maintenance costs.

      If it's love you are looking for the bike remains a better bet. When I finally found the one I kept she had no interest in my car. She wanted to know why if I knew so darn much about bikes I had ever strayed from the One True Path. By which she meant Reynolds 531 fitted with Campagnolo Nuovo Record. I didn't have a good answer to that and purged the collection. She allows me some slack for bikes built before 1967. We are happy and in love.

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    3. I vote for the Jaguar E-Type. But funny enough I don't respond to that sort of thing. If a man has a nice car/bicycle, I'll admire the machine but that's all. My weakness is when men can do crazy tricks on a roadbike, Martyn Ashton style. Swoon.

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    4. Traveller - two 'L's.. Kaiser did make a car called the Traveler, as an American company they of course used the Americanese spelling.
      :o)

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  8. Dating and hook-ups are difficult if one only has a bike. No way around it. Cycling for transportation is different than not owning a car. Some friends cycle to work but also have a car. They're normal and balanced and flexible. They seem happier, too.

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  9. That's why we have Tinder. See: Death of the Pub.

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  10. It is KILLING me to not make a joke about her missing out on an evening of Philatelic love, but I won't...

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    1. When I lived in Austria, one of my co-workers brought these in for a laugh.

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  11. I've got a lot of cycling friends, but mostly online. My "real" friendships include both types. And, BTW, I think your friend could have broached the subject of needing a lift for her bike without it killing the mood. I mean, speaking as a man...well...let's just say the mood is really hard to kill.
    There's a line in "40 year old virgin" where Steve Carrell, playing a nerdy cyclist, tells a woman who's picking him up in a bar, "You'd better have a big trunk, because I'm putting my bike in it!" Worked for him.

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  12. When we met, we both were transportation and pleasure cyclists, though he was a much stronger rider. Back in the days before mountain drive trains and bike-friendly public transit, I bought a car, and we moved to San Francisco. I couldn't handle the hills and stopped cycling. My wonderful partner stayed with me anyway, though I know it was a source of deep sadness for him that I had stopped enjoying cycling. Every few years, he would suggest a bike ride, but he never pushed it. He gradually stopped riding for pleasure, though he remained a committed transportation cyclist. Almost 5 years ago, I discovered mountain drive trains, and it has brought great joy to my life and renewal to my relationship. I can't imagine sharing my life with a partner who didn't ride, and I am profoundly grateful to my partner for staying with me after 25 years of bait-and-switch.

    But that doesn't answer your question. So:

    It's been a long time since I had to worry about the logistics of hook-ups. Since I still own a car -- it will last a while since it doesn't get used much any more -- I pick car or bike depending on who I'm meeting and what we will be doing. It's never an issue. What is an issue is that, since I can almost never free up a week night from work and spend my weekend days either out on an all-day ride or on chores, there's not a lot of time left for friends who don't ride. If I don't see them Friday night, I don't see them. There's a tradeoff, but I can live with my choice.

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  13. I cycle for transport; husband has a bus/T pass, and only cycles when we want to go to a place that isn't conveniently accessible by bus/T, or if we're going out at a time when the public transport only comes around once an hour (buses in Boston, looking at you).

    We don't mind travelling separately to communal things like church, or to meet friends. But if we're going out on a date, we'll travel together, and which mode of transport we choose will depend on the accessibility issue. It's a decent compromise, though I will say this mixing of transport habits is a disincentive for me to cycle when it's below freezing, because he will make a sad face at me for making him wait for the bus alone by himself in the cold. :P

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  14. if you go home with someone and they don't have bikes... don't sleep with them!

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  15. I had to laugh because first, I think it's very difficult to kill the mood for a male….Also, a woman does not need a folding bike in order to get laid!….Plus, it may not have been such a good encounter if she was not open enough to just ask the guy if there was room for her bike in his car. Why not go back to her place, assuming she was closer? These things could be worked out easily.

    Okay, I'm heading out on my bike for an evening of social drinking. Maybe I'll get lucky.

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    1. Ha. I need to introduce several women I know to these men with unkillable moods.

      But I think the "killing the mood" concern referred to the overall ambiance of the situation - with wanting to maintain a sense of spontaneity, lightheartedness and coy ambiguity in what was meant to be a casual encounter. Once you engage in the practical, sobering task of wrangling a bicycle inside a car, there is a sense of planning and commitment involved that contradicts the spirit of the thing.

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    2. Different anon here. If the lady was so very willing as has been claimed the man had to be aware of that. I don't believe I have ever known a man who would be deterred by such a trifle as a 3spd when the goal is in sight. Unless he was married. Or he was having some trouble with his stamp collection. Or he was just a barfly and his one true love was his next drink. You'll meet lots of men like that in bars. For a genuinely available man doing something, anything, physical together - wrestling an awkward bike into a small car emphatically qualifies - is the same as foreplay.

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    3. Agree with the above Anon….The whole thing was over thought and that, certainly, would killed the mood. Being spontaneous is being spontaneous, you make things work. It's just like riding a bicycle!

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    4. Perhaps it was for the best - I don't know that it is a good idea to go anywhere alone with a man you have just met - that is a matter of personal safety. Now to sound possibly boring, what would have been wrong with arranging to meet somewhere for coffee the next day - you know, actually get to know the person?

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    5. "wrestling an awkward bike into a small car ... is the same as foreplay"

      Someone needs to write a cyclist's dating manual.

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  16. Sadly nobody other than my husband, although back in university more people I knew biked, but I was generally the solitary bicycle girl. I've always been a cyclist. I wish I had more cycling friends, (or friends at all in my area for that matter) or was in a cycling community. There are others who bike in my area, but it is an anomaly and I am definitely seen as weirdo and a celebrity weirdo at that. Meeting up with friends can be awkward as I am on bike and they by car. Your friend simply ought to have asked if her bike would fit in the man's car, although stuffing bikes in cars can often be problematic.
    All my boyfriends have been cyclists to various degrees, which was a bit of a happy accident, but not sure how I would handle
    someone who is not a cyclist. I find it annoying being in a vehicle at all, the bus is tedious.

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  17. Riding a bike is better then sex.

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  18. "...and away she goes, the picture of free untrammeled womanhood."

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  19. Funniest blog opening in a very, very long time!! Is it just me or has there been a shift in the style of your writing lately; it seems like you're more straightforward and not quite as serious as when you were living in the states? I wouldn't have imagined the "old" Velouria writing about one night stands and various female periodic problems in a funny and slightly self ironic way ;-)

    If that be the case - way to go! I really like it!!

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    1. My compliments to V's BF for his welcome contributions to her very evident bliss. Though the sometimes dour images of V from her Boston years were Lovely and often proximate to a Bicycle, it is good to know (or at least to hope) that the our online friend and inspiration is a happy lady and not afraid to show it.

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    2. Ha, I think you *might* just be reading into this too much. I do have other sexy/funny/risque posts here from the Boston era! But yeah, the fresh county air in Ulster does make one more relaxed.

      Also, my sweetheart's car fits a full sized vintage roadster, no wheel-removal necessary. Just saying.

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  20. When I lived in NJ, I was the odd one out in choosing to ride a bike for transportation, but since I've moved to Madison, WI, the larger part of my social circle are cycling enthusiasts or bike as their primary transportation (this has been somewhat self-selecting, as someone who's only lived in a new town for a few months, the majority of my new friendships so far have come through the local bike culture).
    I haven't been fortunate enough to end up with your friend's dilemma yet, but it seems like here, at least, it wouldn't be such an uncommon thing to have come by bike.

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  21. See, my problem when coordinating with Car-People is that when we're out in the city I live near and decide to relocate, I usually make it there long before they do. It surprises drivers every time that hopping on my bike which is locked right outside of a restaurant or bar and cycling 3 or 4 miles to someone's apartment is a lot quicker than walking from bar to parked car, piling in, driving through traffic, finding yet another parking spot, and walking from the car to the door. They think I'm a superhero; I just realize that they forget how much time is wasted parking and retrieving a car when you're in a city. Every time I claim my bike gets me there faster than either metro or car, people say, "No way!" And, yet, I'm always waiting for them to arrive.

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  22. "Tell me your address. I'll bike over and meet you there in twenty minutes." - A *significant* turn-on for any man worth your time!
    [Ref: (Miss Bingley) "To walk three miles, or four miles, or five miles, or whatever it is, above her ankles in dirt, and alone, quite alone! What could she mean by it? It seems to me to show an abominable sort of conceited independence, a most country-town indifference to decorum. ... I am afraid, Mr. Darcy, that this adventure has rather affected your admiration of her fine eyes."
    "Not at all," he replied; "they were brightened by the exercise." A short pause followed this speech...]

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  23. Hey wait a minute? I thought I opened one of Ms. Babble's Spoke-N-Scene posts!

    Like the lady? Like her 3 speed!
    "Oh wait, you've got a bike?" Instant heart flutter!!
    Bike is a mood enhancer. If my trunk absolutely won't accommodate? Depending on what you're wearing, I'll drive following, keeping watch, and escort you and your bike someplace safe. Then let the games begin!

    All moot of course, it's more like, "Oh you have an English three speed? I happen to have a French randonneuse, want to see my pantographs?"

    vsk - I do 20 miles a day, she does 20 miles a year.

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  24. Cycle logistics can be difficult when there's more than one person involved. My misses does ride but is a fair-weather cyclist, whereas I'm on the bike every day for transportation - and so when we meet up in town after work for date night, I'll often be on the bike and she'll be in the car - but we solved the logistical problem of going home together by keeping a bike rack in the boot.

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  25. Most of my friends are not cycling friends. I'm too slow to ride with most of them. The ones who don't ride have to put up with some bike talk. I usually attend at least a bike shop party a year and get to know a new cyclist or two. My husband doesn't ride but usually walks or enjoys looking at vintage shops when I ride on the weekend. Sometimes we meet up at a restaurant, if I do a longer ride. I keep cables and a padlock in the car. I can lock my bike to the bike rack.

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  26. None of my friends are cyclists, either transportation or recreational, it has not presented any issues at all in meeting up or in maintaining friendships - I actually prefer to ride alone. I believe having others cycling with me would be quite tiresome after five minutes.

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  27. I have a friend I met through another friend and all three of us will get together for brunch on occasion, but one thing that has happened in the last year is that I see the friend-of-a-friend more often because we both like to cycle. In summer we'll bike to any bar/restaurant/destination while the other friend will half the time meet us in a cab or not come at all. It's definitely a group that has been affected by who bikes/doesn't bike.

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  28. Living a bicycle lifestyle has limited my options with regard to meeting others of the opposite sex. Choosing not to own a car in a place where everyone seems to worship the automobile as a status symbol has it's downsides. Oddly, my children use their bikes for transportation, too, and find no problems meeting like minded others for friendship/relationships. Maybe it's an age thing.

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  29. You people are pissing me off. About the time in life that I know, really KNOW what to do in situations like this, I have to confront the realization I'm never going to get the opportunity to do anything with the knowledge. And though I'd like to wanna' help ya', it's no use telling you any of it, the magic only works when you figure it out for yourself or see it first hand, up-close.

    You'll spend a decade or so wandering into the wrong house at what you were sure was the right address, falling down stairs in the dark, backing yourself into corners you didn't see, rattling the knobs on doors that either won't open or lead to shitty parties with crap music and worse catering and never see the doors that are ajar just for you, where you could slip out of your jacket and into that nice bubble that we all need to spend some time in to be our nicest selves. Then you'll invest in something Very Nice, Mid-century Modern and spend the next decades trying to keep it nice for your kids. Doesn't matter in the least if there's an Effing Bike Rack on the premises at any Effing point in the story.

    The night of my 50th Birthday, when the Elves woke me up and spirited me away to my Balding Ceremony, I had such hopes that my long promised Gift Of Aging was going to be something good, you know? I'd be bestowed that Effortless Charm some old Farts have that makes them so dangerous in Bingo Halls and Shuffleboard Courts up and down the Gulf Coast, or maybe enough Dignified Wry Wit of the right kind that the Daughters-in-Law of my friends would find me irresistible in a not too patronizing way.

    But no.

    I stepped manfully up to the wheel, gave it a mighty spin and stood there watching as "Wavy Silver Hair", "Twinkling Eye and Mischievous Wink" and "Strong White Teeth or Best Quality Dentures" spun past and the pointer landed on "Liver Spots". Dammit, I'm out. I, once the divine conjoining of Lord Byron and ca. 1973 Billy Preston(DAMN, you should have SEEN my freaking hair), out to pasture in a more or less barren field. Find yourself feeling a little lonely and isolated?
    Go ride your bike.

    Spindizzy

    You poor bastards are on your own.



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    1. Lol!.........As long as your not bitter.....

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    2. Not bitter, not even serious.

      Spindizzy

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    3. LOL Wonderful, Spindizzy.
      -Anne K.

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  30. "Why don´t we do it in the road"? Liverpool folksong ca: 1968

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  31. We had drink last week, sex this week, I can't wait until next week..what's it going to be? Drugs or rock & roll ;)

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  32. WWVD?

    (what would Veloria do?)

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    1. I would have left my bike there overnight, FFS. But then, my brazen locking methods are well documented.

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  33. A good sturdy cushion for the top tube of your roadster and your ready to go.

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  34. I'd give her a croggy.

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  35. We've had kind of a bell-curve trajectory with bicycles, for multiple reasons. We got really into riding bikes (me first, then my wife) back in 2008-2009. We made friends who were 'bikey' and went to some bike-related events, and I had a blog about cycling and on and on. Eventually, we ended up selling our car in about 2011.

    Then we moved into the actual city part of Portland (just outside of downtown) in 2012. We still used our bikes quite a bit for a while, but suddenly most things we needed to do were within about 5 minutes walking distance, so just walking to and unlocking our bikes almost took longer than just walking to where we were going sometimes. Over the next year or two after 2012, we also felt a distinct up-tick in the aggressiveness and impatience of people driving in Portland, so before long, we found ourselves opting to walk places, because it was much less stressful. I gave up my blog, feeling I wasn't the right person to represent it anymore. We sold my wife's bike, because she was not using it much at all (back to the person we bought it from a couple years earlier). I continued riding my bike to work, but then my front hub brake failed (locked up) and effed up the fork, and at that point, I just sold it off to someone who was interested in restoring it (it was a Raleigh DL-1, late 1970's). I have a loaner bike from a friend, but at this point I rarely ride it, because 1) it's easy to walk and 2) it has continued to get more stressful to ride, and I rarely hop on the bike and have nice time getting where I'm going.

    During the times when only one of us had a bike (and even when we both did) we would often end up walking or taking public transit together (and still do), because it's easier to interact that way, and less stressful. When I've (for instance) met my wife after work and I rode my bike, I would just meet up with her and then take the bike on public transit or walk it home with her afterwards. In the few cases this happened while we had a car, I would just ride home separately.

    We've also, during all that time, had friends that were really into bikes, and friends who were not at all, and it was never a problem getting together with either set, because in the end, there are always multiple ways to get to and from any given place, and if you're friends with someone, you're usually willing to compromise if they don't feel comfortable getting to a certain place, or they're going to take longer than they usually would because they're taking the bus instead or something. It's just a matter of taking everyone's situation into account, and adjusting accordingly.

    I think the only reason this would really get in the way of a relationship that would otherwise be a great relationship is if one or the other person has a kind of moral attachment to their form of transportation, and can't get over the other person not doing it.

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    1. with all due respect, dave, my experience has been the exact opposite of yours. i find that drivers in portland have become more polite to cyclists over the past decade or so. perhaps you are simply reacting to the uptick in motorvehicle traffic as the local economy continues to recover.

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    2. I would suggest that it is possible for two people in the same city to have different experiences, and for them both to be valid. I have not just felt that there has been more car traffic (which there obviously has been), but that the aggressiveness and carelessness of drivers on the whole has gone up, especially in the last 2-3 years. I'm sure it depends somewhat where you live and ride, and when, but I also know I'm not the only one who feels this way.

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  36. So, as a story of this in reverse: I have a membership for Hubway, the Boston bike sharing program, not because I use them myself but so that I have a loaner bike ready-to-hand for any pedestrian friends who may need to keep up with me on our sojourns. I've been on two dates with two different people where we'd meet at, say, a restaurant with her as a pedestrian and me as a cyclist. Then we'd walk to a concert venue to watch a band, and then after the show, I'd casually suggest going back to my place for a night cap, and when she'd be trying to sort out bus schedules, I'd just pull out my bike share key and slyly suggest, "I know that you don't have a helment, but come on. Trust me. Have an adventure."

    It's fun.

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  37. Ah, a tale for our times!

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  38. "Bicycles, after all, are not everything". Are you sure you're ok, V?
    Seriously, that's my predicament right now. A relationship with a non-cyclist, but with common interests, particularly in another sphere which on the face of it is not bike-compatible, that is dogs. A small pack of rescued Greyhounds.
    Now, as we contemplate emigration from UK, my lifelong yearning to move to my spiritual home, Amsterdam, is clashing with a factor I had not considered - the view of amsterdam's livablility through the eyes of a non-cyclist (she is unable physically to ride). It ceases to be the civilised paradise I see, and becomes a logistical headache plagued by 'all those bloody can see cyclists'!
    Dilemma - move there alone, or forget the dream? all because of bicycles! It must be easier being normal.
    Being auto-unfriendly, I

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